Thoughts from the 2010 Rebelution Conference

A miracle happened today.
But first let me take you back a couple years.
When I was thirteen years old, I believed that I was saved, so I got baptized. I had the desire to read my Bible every day and I prayed more often, even about the smallest things that I used to think God didn't care about. However, this "passion" for God didn't last long. I was maybe reading God's Word daily for a month or so, but then I slipped back to my old way of life...pleasure before God. I still believed I was a Christian. I knew how to say all the right things, quote Scripture verses, tell others about God, and act like how I thought a Christian should act. That is, in front of others.
But inside my heart, I was fighting a battle. The battle that everyone faces...sin. It was a waging war inside that kept getting bigger and bigger, and never being defeated. I had sinful patterns in my life that I dealt with before I was saved, and they continued to be a pattern in my life after I claimed Christianity. I knew that when you decided to follow Christ, it meant giving up everything and having a true hatred for sin. This was not the case for me. I continued to sin, repent when I needed, but then slip back to the same issue the next day. Romans 8:8 says, "and those who are in the flesh cannot please God." I knew that I wasn't pleasing God with my life. So how could I say I was a follower of Him when I was doing the very thing He hates and not having a sorrow for my actions?
Growing up in a Christian home all my life, my Dad being the pastor of my church, I took advantage of everything I learned and I thought that if I was able to repeat what my Dad said to other non-believers, then I must be a Christian because non-believers don't do that. However, all I was doing was repeating. I didn't truly believe what I was saying and I wasn't living it out in my own life.
Today I went to the 2010 Rebelution Conference held with Alex & Brett Harris. They are twin brothers that have a true passion for teenagers and they want to reach out to them by proclaiming the Word of God. For more information about the conference visit their blog at: www.therebelution.com
They brought a powerful message to the youth today at this conference, the message that Jesus Christ has proclaimed to us through His Word. Alex and Brett asked some very heart-stirring questions today that had a huge impact on my life.
These are some of the questions they asked:
1. Do you talk with God like He's your best friend?
2. How often do you read your Bible because you believe it is the Word of God, not because you've been asked?
3. How often do you obey God just because you believe in Him?
4. Do you see enough evidence of God's grace in your life to be confident that you have been born again?
This last one pulled at my heart so strongly because I couldn't bring myself to answer yes. In fact, I couldn't bring myself to answer yes to any of them. I would never pick up my Bible because I wanted to read it. I only did it because it was another "Christian chore" for the day in order to stay right with God. And this is so wrong.
When Brett asked the audience, "Do you want to be born again?", I couldn't stop the tears from coming. My heart was pounding because it finally struck me that I had been living this ungodly life with the label "Christian" attached to it. Brett said to be brutally honest and I knew in my heart of hearts that I could not answer the fourth question with a yes because I had no fruit in my life. So I answered his last question, "Do you want to be born again?", with my first yes.
I can't describe in words what I was feeling. There was this awful feeling inside realizing that I had been deceiving myself these past few years, and yet at the same, there was this beautiful calmness of heart. I felt the love of God take out my heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. I wanted to tell everyone I knew at that moment, even someone I didn't know, what I was feeling - what God was doing at that moment. And what He was doing was a miracle.
I had spoken to Alex and his wife Courtney for a short time before this session, thanking them for their ministry. But after I was convicted of the sinful patterns of my life and I realized I wasn't a truly born again believer, I had to go back to Alex and Courtney and tell them of what had happened. When I spoke to them before the session, I believed at that time that I was a Christian. But once realizing the reality of my life, finding the "you that is really you" and seeing that I was only living under the label of Christianity, I felt that I needed to tell them of this miracle from God. I expressed what I thought I was before, told them that I was not living as I had claimed, and now I was talking to them for the first time as a truly born again follower of Jesus Christ.
And I can't thank my Lord enough for His unending love for me, His mercy and grace poured on a wretched sinner like me, and His wonderful gift of salvation.
Talking to Alex, Courtney, and Brett was like talking to someone I had known all my life. They are my brothers and sister in Christ now and knowing that now we serve the same God is such a joy and comfort. I can't thank them enough for their constant faithfulness to Jesus Christ, for preaching the Word of God and for not holding anything back for fear of man. God opened my eyes to His truth, but He used Alex and Brett as someone to come along and boldly proclaim the Words of the Lord.
One statement that Brett made was, "Are we martyrs or murderers? Are we as lambs or as wolves? Do we die to self or kill for self?" If we live lives that are only to please ourselves or others, then we are not martyrs. We aren't laying our lives down for anyone because we do everything for self. I was a wolf in sheep's clothing before I was saved. I could put on the "Christian act", but inside I was a totally different person. I was deliberately disobeying God, living for pleasure, commiting so much time to entertainment instead of time with God, and telling myself I was saved when I was not.
Now, I want to be a martyr. I am going to lay down my sinful, fleshly desires and I am going to sacrifice my life to serving God. I want to be radical - a rebelutionary. I want to honour Him with my life in all that I do, and not with a false label of Christianity, but rather, be in a daily relationship with my heavenly Father. I want to stop living for self, but rather, live for God. Brett said that when we become new creatures in Christ, we have a new "wanter". We no longer want to live for self, but we want to live for God. We no longer want to spend every spare moment of our time watching television, but spending time getting to know our God better. We are no longer a wanter of sin but a wanter of righteousness.

Romans 10:13 says, "for whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved."

A favourite saying of mine is this:
The faith that continues to the end gives proof it was genuine in the beginning."

And I now truly believe this. I was convicted today of my life and I know now that the faith I said I had wasn't genuine because it didn't last till the end.
But now, starting today, since the moment God started working in my heart, I will live faithfully to Him to the end.